So I have been trying not to blow up in Anger! It is so hard when the one person that keeps pushing you is the one that keeps holding the blow-ups against you!
I thought he loved me. I thought he would stand by me. I thought that he married me because he would love me and my flaws. I'm not talking about new flaws, I'm talking about the bi polar anger/irritability issue flaws that have been there for more than 12 years. I am actually improving. Hard to believe for those who have just befriended me in the last 4-5 years.
The "Temporary Friends": I have friends/loves that put up with me for 1-3 years, they find out how bi polar really affects them and then they are out. That is why I have never had a relationship with a guy longer than a year until my current husband. My husband and I dated a year and now we have been married for 2. Well just after 2 years, yup you guessed it he fell into the so called temp friend category. You know the song.... Are you strong enough to be my man? That is how I feel. It seems that the Temp Friends just get in, find out, then bail ASAP!
The "True Love Friends": The ones that last through thick and then. The ones that witnessed the pill popping in between classes, the huge break-downs of my hitting my head on the floor crying, and the late night calls that I wish I could have said I was drunk because I sounded so crazy. But they said that they would stick by me no matter what. Jess, Eb, Jan, Ry, and lea. I know they know who they are. They said they would love me forever, they have. All of them has seen me though a rape, out of wedlock pregnancy, divorce, hospital stays, and the recent plague that has ran off the Temps.
That brings me back to the temps. They always say they will be there no matter what but you know what.... the big "plagues" are the tests in life. (which there are usually excuses at first, then like always they in time disappear) The plagues are the things that are going on in the moment that make others run like they will actually catch it... like someone will catch a late period or a bad relationship. Sad but true... these things make me break down and therefore I get the plague that runs off the Temps.
The True Love Friend out of all of this: Jesus. He is there to talk to when things are out of control. When you hate the day you are in. Look to him praise him for the positives. I can't change what is going on right now but I can thank and praise him. I thank him for the opportunities that I do have left with my husband. I know that they are slim and on thin ice but I pray and pray before I meet him just so the things that I have going against me doesn't break me down.
